A Long Awaited Beginning

1/28/98

I got into `organized' bondage fairly late in life, having fantasized about it, and `toyed' with it since I was a teenager in the sixties. How and when I was exposed to it is a mystery but, I will always remember the first young man I`d suckered into tying me when I was only 20. The confused and embarrassed look on his face was priceless. As he held the lengths of rope and stared at me, I posed on the bed naked and self-conscious, trying to be seductive. This was a problem largely because I was so sexually naïve at the time; I wouldn't have been comfortable anyway. Therefore, once I was trussed (sloppily, and spread eagle as usual), we fumbled and poked until we finally gave up and finished with a quickie-- slightly less exciting than I had anticipated it would be.

In 1995, more mature and sexually seasoned, I decided to explore those maddening fantasies and purposely sought a partner I could trust. I decided our association would be based on a bond (pun intended) of basic lifestyle interests outside of BDSM, so we could talk as well as play. This is important because I am still searching my value as a potential submissive in the commonly known sense, and need to feel my partner and I are focused on the same goals derived from intelligent communication and negotiation.

Because I was interviewing partners at the rate of (sometimes) three a week, garnered mostly from online services like AOL and IRC, making a decision became a tedious process. From these online contacts, I found a few intermittent partners, friends, and a lead for a local BDSM group, that I joined with open enthusiasm. At the meetings the earthy, and unashamed adults who were interested in the various forms of submission/Domination and play enthralled me. Although without my friends along, I always felt too shy to go further than a quick appearance at the seminars. I was aware my extreme sensuality and need to please made me vulnerable for sexual predators and phonies. On one hand, I wanted to play desperately; on the other: I had to be safe when I did.

The “you-know-you-want-it” attitude of the men in the seminars made me too uncomfortable to `play' with them. My assumption has always been that my bedroom fantasies are my business. They have nothing to do with whether I'm intelligent, a success in business, or a good person, but I wanted to learn: I wanted to learn the pitfalls and pleasures of my dreams.

Introducing: D. Wiccan.

We met through the AOL Profiles a year ago, just when I was getting discouraged. D. and I corresponded in Email for several months before actually meeting face to face, primarily because he refused to discuss D/s or sex until we had gotten to know each other. He already knew we had bondage in common, and if we liked each other in the basic sense, the bondage and D/s would have the proper environment. Smart, because I had been burned too often in vanilla life by being in a hurry.

D. Wiccan is 65 years old, owns a small flourishing business, and has been fantasizing about bondage since he was old enough to reason-- around 8 years old. He says he noticed it the first time in the local theater, during a low budget Tarzan movie starring Johnny Weismuller, which cost him a dime to sit and watch all day. The heroine was inevitably tied to a post in the local village, whilst the natives were preparing for her (we can only assume) ultimate demise as dinner. D. Wiccan sat rapt, heart pounding, physically stimulated, over the sight of the helpless woman struggling against the ropes. Although he was too young to understand what to do with her once she was bound, he needed to try it himself. Oh, but where to find a willing partner at 8, and in the early 1940's? Unfortunately, he would have to wait 57 years to find one-- and I am happy to be a part of the journey.

We could tell of his sadly abortive attempt at nighttime bondage with his slightly older female cousin, or talk of the `dirty thoughts' he'd kept secret during his 35-year marriage, but those of you who are into our type of play can share similar tales ad infinitum. The important thing is: We are thrilled to be experiencing it now. So let's just focus on the tales of pleasures ahead, and not dwell on dark times of secrets and shame.