Damsels in Distress
and
Guilt about our Interest
For those who are unaware what "DiD" means, it stands for "Damsel in Distress". Basically, light bondage with a story context
a la television/movies.
When I was growing up as a kid, I didn't think there was anything wrong with my interest. I actually assumed that DiD affected others similarly to how it affected myself - that everyone could enjoy a cute damsel tied up in a dramatic story context. However, in my teen years, I began to think differently about it all.
I began to feel guilt about my interest in DiD/bondage. I did wonder if there was something "wrong" with me, to be enjoying others' pretend suffering. But I was able to reconcile that over time, and it has only gotten better since. It more or less took the form of several steps.
First I was able to tell myself that it was only pretend danger that the characters were in, and that I myself would never want to harm anyone for real. That if I did tie someone up in the real world, it would only be part of a playful game that we both tried out. This helped ease the burden of thinking of myself as someone who was potentially dangerous, but it didn't get rid of the thought that I was still somehow "sick".
However, I later began to notice something else that helped a lot more in that regard. Ever notice that lots of people enjoy various thrills? I'm not just talking about real-life thrills such as skydiving, rafting on dangerous waters, driving a motorcycle, etc. I mean pretend thrills such as seeing an action movie with a hero who fights enemies, gets beat up viciously, but ultimately turns out on top. Seeing people get into and out of life-threatening peril. Thrills that can't be safely performed in the real world. In our case, the thrill happens to be about a heroine who is taken captive but ultimately turns out okay. Or about restraint, period.
Lots of people enjoy disaster scenarios or unpleasant situations in fantasy. Some people would say they don't "enjoy" these situations and that they want to see them end, however, before they end, they typically want to see the unpleasant situations play out. We're a bit different in that we more openly revel in the middle of the story; the conflict rather than the way the conflict is resolved.
Also, many of us do enjoy certain weaknesses in heroes/heroines. I personally like seeing someone who is mentally tough (smart, able to hold their own in a bad situation), but able to be overcome by danger. The danger doesn't even have to be being tied up; it could be something more physical or environment-related. I'd sometimes get a thrill out of seeing someone in other forms of danger, such as slipping back while climbing a cliff and falling down, or nearly drowning when underwater, or even the suspense of trying to hide from a criminal who might catch her. I love adventure-related suspense, and DiD has been something I associated with adventure.
Finally, I don't doubt that DiD affects many people to some extent. Many of us probably played "prisoner" - even if not actually being tied up - when we were kids. Maybe you've seen someone watch a show intently when someone is in danger or held prisoner. It could be the suspense that gets their attention, but the helpless feeling of not being able to move, the visuals which accompany it, and a character we care about all combine to make a compelling form of suspense.
So in one respect we are not that different from much of society. The only real difference, and it's a fairly large one, is how much we take an active interest in the whole "prisoner" aspect and how much it affects us and excites us. But since we are able to function and act like ordinary human beings, I wouldn't worry at all. After all, who knows just what exactly is going on in the heads of the people you meet all the time in everyday life? And as long as they behave and function like decent human beings, who cares?
--Jazz411
June 2004