Lorelei's Diary

This weekend Chaz went to Florida with his kids. I was going to go relax at his place by myself, but after thought I couldn't justify the expense involved. I stayed at the apartment.

I spent much of the weekend tidying up my room and working on correspondence. C. sent me a pair of high-waist panties, which unfortunately don’t fit me. He included a photo request which I'd like to try, but there's no one around to tie me lately! It's pretty frustrating. It must be even more frustrating for my pen pals, all of whom wish to tie me.

I did an audiotape for a pen pal. He sent another t-shirt of his in a bag (he's been trying to show me what his scent is; he claims it's very aromatic and he knows I’m into male pheromones... mailing a shirt across the states does not work). He sent photographs of himself. He recently got contacts since his wife fought with him about his bondage materials and she hit him twice in the face, breaking his glasses.

I watched the Madame Zola video with Jace and it was pretty good; Kiri Kelly sure enjoys herself. I was envious of her since she gets to spend all that time in bondage, enjoying herself, being paid for it, etc. I would love that. Maybe someday I’ll have a boyfriend who likes to film me. We'd spend every Saturday just tying me up. Oh I would love that. I also want to be tied to Kiri Kelly.

I did see some of G.A.G. and it was definitely directed by Eric. It had Debra Lee and some other model and for a while she tickled Debra Lee's feet. It gave me a very unpleasant feeling to hear him. Also to see women tied and squirming on his couch. And bed. I don't think I'm in the right mind-frame lately to watch these videos Eric has done.

Tonight I watched Simone #9 a little bit. She works wìthout sound. She does the tying on-camera, which I like, and then the pose is filmed for a short while.

Saturday I tossed a bunch of clothes and belongings into sacks and took them to the Salvation Army. There, I bought several nice scarves for gagging, and two weird garter-hip things. I don't know what they're called but they look like girdles and have garter attachments for nylons. They’re so old-fashioned and adorable. One fit me very well; the other was a bit loose and stretchy, so it will fit my models.

Today I took some flood pants and cut them off to make shorts. They were nice and tight so I pulled them up a little to press my labia and let my cheeks stick out a bit. I was enjoying that so I took my black dildo and put it in, fastening it around the crotch of the shorts. I was fantasizing about Eric so I took out the silver vibrator and I found it could fit into the snap section for the dildo, so it vibrated the base of the dildo against my pubic bone/clitoral area. That was neat so I lay on my back and I fantasized a story for the equipment:

I went to Eric's for a photo shoot. We were just doing pictures for our own fun. He’d recently heard from someone a way to improve the look of the model, and he said he wanted to try it. I was dressed for the shoot in a tube-top and skirt. He told me to go into the bathroom and insert a small dildo, which he handed to me. I was surprised and said what for? He explained that the slight stimulation it adds supposedly gives an added expression of submission to the model. You don't show the device in the photos; it simply helps to improve her attitude. So I went in the bathroom and put in the little dildo and fastened it around my underwear. When I came out we were set to shoot. He tied me in an elbow-tie and tied my ankles. Then he took some photos. He stopped and brought a small vibrator to me. "What's that for?" I asked incredulously. He explained that it's also supposed to add a bit of stimulation. He said it wouldn't be much, and would I mind? I said well I guess not. He inserted the vibrator sideways through the dildo fastenings, on the outside of my underwear. He turned it on and took pictures.

I found the vibrator to be more than a little stimulating. He had turned it all the way up; probably it was just supposed to be turned on a little. I posed for a while but my face began flushing and my breathing increased.

"I think it's too much; we'll have to get rid of it."

"No, no, it works well; your face is very expressive. If you can just wait a little while longer then we'll be done."

"Oh, alright, I can go a bit longer."

He wanted to get some final gag shots. He crammed a large piece of cotton cloth in my mouth and anchored it with a strap through the mouth and a covering cloth. The vibrator had me seriously wet by this time, but I knew he’d be done as soon as he took a few more shots. I wiggled some to try to adjust the dildo and vibrator, but every movement of my legs seemed to increase the pressure to the clitoris. I became worried and my eyes pleaded for him to finish. "Oh, that's a perfect expression, keep that up," he said, and took photos happily. I squirmed more rapidly, trying to prevent the buildup that was beginning. He ran out of film. "This is perfect, you look just great!," he said. "Let me just do one more roll." He began changing the film. I started to whimper quietly in the depths of the cotton as he started taking photos again. "Does anything hurt?," he asked. I shook my head no. "We'll be done soon," he promised. I strained in earnest to escape as he snapped pictures -- "perfect, perfect" he exclaimed, realizing that I was actually close, but unwilling to stop recording it. I cried out into the gag, trying to get him to end it, but he wouldn't. I tried to say his name but moans came out harshly, I tried to shout louder and I bent away from the feeling, arching my back, unable to escape or at least prevent him from seeing me -- the shouts became urgently rhythmic and I spilled over in orgasm crying out my embarrassment.

He set down the camera and reached under my skirt to release the vibrator. I looked away at the floor, avoiding him. He sat there next to me and wouldn’t remove my gag.

Anyway while I had this fantasy (proud of me? I wrote an entire fantasy down, that's a first) I lay on the bed with my elbows touching behind my back, pretending they were tied. I couldn't quite orgasm with the vibrator simply anchored on the dildo so I finally had to use my hands to hold it there. I wasn't quite happy so I grabbed my cotton rag and stuffed a huge amount of it into my mouth and bit down on it. That felt really great. After I came I just lay on the bed for a whïle.

Next Sunday my artist pen pal is coming to meet me. That should be interesting. I'm looking forward to it.

More than anything I want to meet Rick Walker. When I move out to California I definitely will want to arrange a lunch date or something... his last letter to me was rather personal; admitting to me that his fantasies about me are frustrating and depressing him. My letter to him was also very truthful. I respect his ability to be sincere and truthful and, actually, daring when he writes to me. He will be himself even at the risk of alienating me. So far he hasn’t alienated me.

I haven't been tied much lately. Chaz visited me last week before going to Florida. We had time for a tie so I had him tie my legs together with the cloth strips. I had my hands tied and set above my head, also some breast strappings. I wanted him to sit up and fuck me the way I picture Eric (see sketch) but I didn't have the nerve to ask him to do it that way.

Chaz lay down beside me and lifted my legs to enter. We had nice wet sex. Afterward I used my vibrator but it took me a while because my legs were together. He almost fell asleep a few times and that disturbed me. There was a period of time during our first round (the relationship a few years back) when he used to always do that. Come and then fall asleep while I was finishing myself. Lately I don’t use the vibrator before he comes because I’m renewing my attempt at reaching orgasm from just penetration. I know I can do it if I have time, concentration, and reasonable stimulation... however, Chaz still seems to finish before I can get started. Hmm.

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