Lorelei's Diary

Last night I had a pretty strange dream about Eric. He came to visit me and I was living in an unfamiliar place. For the evening he went into the bedroom and I lay down in the living room to sleep. For some reason he came out and lifted me and carried me around the house for a while. I had such a feeling of surrender and security; the dream was very vivid, I could feel the hardness of his chest & his strength. It was a comforting feeling.

Later in the dream I was in an empty bedroom, no furniture except the bed I was on. Eric came in completely naked! To my surprise he was rather chubby; in fact, flabby. He stood in the middle of the room and the door was open behind him. I worried someone would walk by and see him, but I was hesitant to tell him to close the door -- I didn't want him to think I was assuming he was about to join me.

I saw Beetlejuice twice recently, once with Eddie while tripping, then again with Chaz. I found many of the macabre visuals to be somehow erotic. I also liked the main character couple -- Geena Davis is very sexy, and Alec Baldwin was my kind of attractive: your basic nice face, slightly intellectual effect from the glasses. They were so romantic with each other... and I'm a little more receptive to romantic garbage lately than I used to be (no surprise there).

There’s a scene in Beetlejuice where she’s magically gagged by the creation of a steel plate over her mouth. She tries to pry it off but can’t; it’s magic, immobile; I found it kind of sexy, the thought of being truly gagged like that.

I noticed recently that I never picked up consciously on Eric's name. It’s has always been one of my favorite names for guys, dating back to my first crush (which lasted for six years, starting in kindergarten) on E.S.  I always considered it to be a sexy name, along with Austin and Shane. Plus men's names which can be for women, such as Lee, Terry, or Leslie... or Shannon... are all sexy.

My earliest fantasy I recall was of myself as the leader of a gang of winged girls. We flew over the streets of the city, and I swooped down (my pack following me) and snatched up E.S. right off the sidewalk. I don't recall what I did after kidnapping him. This fantasy was when I was 5 years old.

Later fantasies involved me saving a boy from a burning house. I'm not sure at what age these roles reversed. But I suppose I got a message from society and started repressing my desire to be the hero. Perhaps these roles changed when I started reading those comics -- they really stressed an archaic woman's role.

Last night I had a dream about Ish. I don't remember much of it but again he was threatening me in some way. I can't believe I'm not over that yet!!! How dismal.

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