March 1

On January 3lst I went and auditioned at the Players... It was just so I could have practice in auditioning so that I could get into a play later on.  I was scared to death but did well; everyone laughed and enjoyed it. I performed "Take Back Your Mink" from Guys & Dolls.

On February lst I got the January Harmony magazines in the mail. One was a new title called Bondage Adventures. I was interested in the idea but disappointed because thematically it seemed like the women should have been tied in rough rope. Instead they were all in nylon rope. I wrote to Harmon and gave some evaluating comments on the magazines. I didn't get to really enjoy them at length because I was so busy moving and stuff.

Saturday I went to Rocky Horror (my 135th time). I hung around with Severin, the 40-year-old back-up Brad whom I love to perform with. After the show everyone was invited to a party. I brought Severin there in my car.

On our way there, he said "are those handcuffs on your rearview mirror for show, or are they for use?"

I said "well, those ones don't work very well, so they're aesthetic, but I have others which are for use." He launched into a detailed discussion about bondage! I mean knowledgable! I was so surprised to be speaking with another person who was actually into it. What a coincidence to run into someone like that.

Severin's into B&D. He's basically focused on She-Bitches/Dominatrixes; bondage is just part of the whole thing about being dominated. In spite of our different approaches to bondage, we have much in common. We got talking and I was so intent on the conversation that I drove the wrong way up a one way street. He brought it to my attention and we made it to the party without crashing! The party wasn't much and I left after a while. Severin stayed because he's a night owl.

The next day I went to the Rocky rehearsal and Severin and I went out for dinner: We talked and talked. I can't believe how unusual he is. I really wouldn't want to have his fetish; it seems more complicated -- but he has managed to find a lot of women to play these games with him! He paid a prostitute to burn him with a cigarette once, and has persuaded friends to do similar acts. I suspect he's more excited by the fantasy of being hurt than with the actuality. He recognizes that, but can't give up on the excitement of going through with some of his fantasies. It seems to me that he's the type who would like best to be "punished" with a whip which only hurt slightly, but the woman would need to pretend that she was very disapproving and was hurting him dreadfully.

Severin and I went to Dad's office to work on my computer program, which I was having trouble with. Severin couldn't help much and told me that Lotus was too restrictive for what I was trying to set up. Near the end of the evening while I was punching stuff in on the screen, Severin tied me to the seat with his jogging-suit sweater. I giggled and continued to work. It felt snug and comfortable... it wasn't really tying much down. He then used shoelaces to tie my feet to the chair-legs. We laughed and he scooted the chair around the room a little bit on its back legs, which made me squeal. Then I untied myself and we packed up the books and left.

I did have a slightly special feeling when he tied me; it made me aware that though I'm now able to reserve attractions to a select few (1. "am I basically attracted?" and 2. "would he tie me?"), I'm opening myself up to undesirable vulnerabilities if I allow someone to tie me when I'm not attracted to them in any basic way.

Because I just don't find him attractive sexually.

But I do wish to play bondage games with him, and since he wants to model, I think it's appropriate. I know from his stories that he enjoys a dominatrix who withholds intimacy, and he's had lots of fun with female friends who simply played at the game of control with him. He has asked me for it and has made me feel welcome to try it. I think it might be fun.

But I don't believe I'll let him play at tying me again.

On the following Wednesday night, Chaz came to visit me in my new place. The bed was all set up and I was just getting used to things. He tied me up in one of his old-style ways: legs apart with lots oŁ wrapping, and instead of wrists-to-legs he tied the wrists together. He did cunnilingus on me and surprisingly, I came. It's been a very long time since I came with cunnilingus. We were both surprised. We then had sex.

I was stunned that week to hear from the Players that I'd landed a chorus part in Little Mary Sunshine. I couldn't possibly be in the play because Mr. Harmon had already sent me my plane ticket. But Mom said I could always postpone California and Dad would pay for a second ticket if necessary. My family was eager for me to be in the play.

I decided to postpone California. All my life I've wanted to be in a musical instead of in the pit orchestra. I got new tickets for a later flight, and I'm currently rehearsing several times a week in preparation for the play. The rehearsals are fun.

I had to fill out a "bio sheet" which they use to tell about each person in the play program. It asked for "Other hobbies (film, theater, music, arts, TV)". I thought to myself, they sure figure we're mondo hobby people. So I wrote "Aesthetic Restraint Photography (just kidding)." I turned it in and the assistant director laughed. I was pleased she understood!

In fact that night after rehearsal, she and three guys invited me out to have a drink. We went to a quiet bar and laughed and joked and had a grand time. One of the guys commented on the handcuffs he'd seen hanging in my car, so I told them about my joke on the Bio Sheet. They liked that. I didn't divulge that it was a serious interest.

Later I might. These actor-types sure are open-minded!

The weekend of February 13, I went to visit Chaz at his new apartment. I brought the leather straps he'd given me for Christmas. We planned on having "craft day" and making leather cuffs for me, but we ran out of time.

On Saturday Chaz tied me to the coffee table face up. It was a comfortable position and I had him cinch my chest down so I was very secure. I felt very sexy and he took some polaroids which returned me to reality (I'm not sexy in bondage; I just feel that way). (I wish I weren't so skinny!)

Note: I wish I knew where these polaroids are now!
  

He then had sex with me while holding a vibrator against my clit. I eventually came, but he had trouble getting off because when he thrust, the coffee table would creak, and he kept thinking about the neighbors downstairs. After a long while (I enjoyed all of it anyway) he finished off by masturbating onto me.

That's another thing I like especially while tied.

I really did enjoy that weekend. It gave us a chance to feel close and relax.

I really have to go home. It's getting late. When-oh-when will I get to update this journal! I swear! "I sware!" Well, sometime soon. But the musical is keeping me pretty busy.

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Note: Here are some pics taken during this time period... Jace came home one day to find that I'd been tying myself up.  He grabbed the camera and took a few quick photos while I hammed it up!

Member pics
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